astroloholics:

(Requested)

Aries: Why the fuck did you not answer your phone *million word rant about how they never answer their phone*

Taurus: Didn’t even know voicemail was on. Probably 5 minutes of them saying funny words to themself.

Gemini: I CANT BELIVE YOU DIDNT ANSWER YOUR PHONE! I HAD SUCH BIG NEWS! I SAW SUZY AT THE MALL AND YOULL NEVER BELIEVE IT! SHE WAS WEARING WHITE PANTS AND HER PERIOD BLOOD WAS SHOWING AND SHE DIDNT EVEN REAIZE OHMYGOSH IT WAS SO HILARIOUS *talks for 10 more minutes about their day*

Cancer: Are you ignoring me? Did I do anything wrong? Gee golly I hope you aren’t mad at me. *thinks they hung up but didn’t and you hear distant sobs*

Leo: Are you f-ing kidding me right now. Ohmygosh my day is ruined!

Virgo: It is 6:23 p.m. You get off of work at 5:30 p.m. You have no reason not to answer your phone. I’m going to take a shower so don’t bother calling back until it is *looks at watch* 6:52 p.m.

Libra: I was unsure whether or not to call you but I guess I shouldn’t have because it seems like a bad time. I’m not sure whether I should hang up or keep talking. What was I going to ask you? Okay just call me back soon. Wait no never mind, I’ll be doing something. Actually I might have cancelled that. Did I cancel that? No I didn’t. I should probably cancel it. I mean it’s not important. Actually no I won’t cancel it. WAIT I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY! I’ll cancel so you can call me back and I’ll tell you. But is canceling really a good idea? *takes 20 minutes to decide whether or not they should cancel*

Scorpio: *mumbles something into the phone that you can’t quite understand but it doesn’t sound nice*

Sagittarius: yeah dude sorry to bother you. I’m in the middle of skydiving right now and I just got really bored. Call me back later.

Capricorn: *doesnt even leave a voicemail. Just hangs up*

Aquarius: *talks about how 9/11 was a conspiracy at 3 a.m.*

Pisces: *Talks about how dragons could have possibly existed*